Right now

You know those times when everything is wonderful in your life & you feel so lucky to be experiencing it all? This is not one of them for me. I neither can, no do I want to, pretend otherwise.

I'm in a very blah season right now & everything seems to be compounding the effect. And while I'd love to be "getting into the spirit of the season," I am just NOT in the mood for it. Nor am I in the mood for the excess of cheer (or the pretense of it) that people feel the need to shovel on to everybody else at this time of year.

I'm sick of the expectation that I should be in an incredibly upbeat mood because my life is now how the rest of the world thinks it should be. What if I was perfectly happy before some of these changes? What if I have no desire to live up to the rest of the world's expectations of what a "perfect" mom, wife, etc. should be? Am I really a bad mother or an inadequate wife if I like working the hours I do or don't enjoy cooking or playing the part of hostess? Am I less of a woman if I can't "handle" the roles society has deemed necessary?

Perhaps the only consoling things in all of this are the people that greet me at the end of the day. No matter what else is going on, I know 3 people think the world of me & are happy for me to just be me. They all know how, in their own special ways, to make me smile when nobody else can.