Right now

You know those times when everything is wonderful in your life & you feel so lucky to be experiencing it all? This is not one of them for me. I neither can, no do I want to, pretend otherwise.

I'm in a very blah season right now & everything seems to be compounding the effect. And while I'd love to be "getting into the spirit of the season," I am just NOT in the mood for it. Nor am I in the mood for the excess of cheer (or the pretense of it) that people feel the need to shovel on to everybody else at this time of year.

I'm sick of the expectation that I should be in an incredibly upbeat mood because my life is now how the rest of the world thinks it should be. What if I was perfectly happy before some of these changes? What if I have no desire to live up to the rest of the world's expectations of what a "perfect" mom, wife, etc. should be? Am I really a bad mother or an inadequate wife if I like working the hours I do or don't enjoy cooking or playing the part of hostess? Am I less of a woman if I can't "handle" the roles society has deemed necessary?

Perhaps the only consoling things in all of this are the people that greet me at the end of the day. No matter what else is going on, I know 3 people think the world of me & are happy for me to just be me. They all know how, in their own special ways, to make me smile when nobody else can.

Hmmm....

I know I haven't updated in a while. I'm not in much of a mood for baring my soul or anything of that sort.

Kids are great, pregnancy is moving along nicely, and Danny & I both have new jobs that are going well.

Beyond that, if you want to know right now, call & ask me. I don't feel the urge to share with the whole world at this particular time.

Lucky Me!

Sometimes you just get lucky.....here's hoping it's really happening for me.

A friend of mine from work also teaches massage therapists at one of our local, nicer spa facilities. (And, no it's not in a gym or attached to a hair salon.) Anyways, they have some very specialized prenatal/maternity massages that they offer.

Knowing that I'm a huge fan of them, said friend informed me that there will be a class coming up soon that will teach more of their therapists this technique. What does this mean for me?

Well, apparently, they need "models" to learn the techniques. Free massage!!! I'm totally up for that!

Of course, it's nice that said friend is NOT one of the people teaching OR taking this class, because that would be a little awkward. But, again, FREE MASSAGE!! Keeping my fingers crossed they really still need models & they will let me help them out!

Grrrrr.....

Time for a vent......

Yes, we know how babies are made. Pretty sure I'm done hearing that joke. Already.
Don't refer to this as an "accident." A baby is a blessing, whether planned or a surprsie.
No, I'm not having twins. Yes, I'm positive.
Yes, we'll be busy. It's OK. Pretty sure we can handle it. If we have trouble, we know we have people we love that will help us out.

That's all for now. Can you tell the hormones are raging?

And Now for Something Competely Different....

I guess it's time to formally let everyone know our news. Most of our family already knows.

Despite all of the struggles we had becoming pregnant with both Blake & Ava, we have been blessed with the coming of a 3rd baby.....as a complete surprise! We both had it somewhat in our heads (& hearts) that we wouldn't become pregnant without medicinal aid. What a shock we had when we got home from our trip. Apparently God has a bit of a sense of humor & has allowed us to become parents again.

Now, we are the first to tell you what an incredible joy it is to be pregnant & have our children. But, I would be lying if I told you that this did not completely rock our world. The shock has not quite completely worn off. The nerves are still there. (After 2 miscarriages how could they not be?!) We both have these moments of thinking, "How in the world will we manage this!"

The past 2 weeks have been a time of reconnection for all of us. It has also been a time of adjustment to the idea of having 3 little ones.

Will we love this baby with our whole hearts?
-YES.
Will all of this work itself out?
-YES.
Will our lives be forever changed for the better with the newest member of our family?
-YES.
Are we completely freaked out that we will have 2 kids under 2?
- YES YES YES!

May God give us peace and sanity in the coming days/weeks/months. Everything else will work itself out.

Trip of a Lifetime!

Oh what a time we had this weekend! All 4 of us had such a great time on our trip & I know the memories will stay with us for a long time.

Both of the kiddos did WONDERFUL during the EIGHT hours that it took us to get from Lubbock to New Braunfels. Hardly a fuss out of either one & Blake even stayed accident free the whole time!!

We had a blast playing in the water & relaxing for 2 days. Blake even braved some slides with Danny. Ava & I splashed around the kid areas.

Then, we spent Monday at SeaWorld where I saw Blake's face light up more brightly than ever before. He loved feeding the dolphins, seeing the giant aquariums, riding a kiddie rollercoaster and was awed over Shamu. Of course, he then proceeded to wander off out of the play area by himself where he was found by a kind SeaWorld employee. And gave both of us near heart attacks.

All said, we all had an incredible time together & can't wait to travel together again! Here's some pictures:

The Calm After the Storm...

With our days so packed lately, things have been a little hectic at the Holwerda house. We've been running back and forth to the hospital (to see Grammy), getting Ava settled at her sitter, and playing host to my mom. Whew!

So, starting Friday, we will be taking a family vacation. The first one we've taken, in fact. (I'm not counting trips to see Noni & Grandad.) Especially with all 4 of us!

We will be heading to the Texas Hill Country and spending 2 days at Schlitterbahn. Then, we're going to spend an evening on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, followed by a day at Sea World! Since, I've never been to Sea World, I think I may be just about as excited as Blake. And he's pretty freakin' excited.

Danny & I are looking forward to some nice time with the kiddos without any other demands on our time/attention. It seems like some days it's all we can do to make it through the day.... needless to say we feel like we've been slacking on the "fun time" with Blake & Ava. We're definitely looking forward to focusing on US for a few days.

I'm sure everyone will be excited to see our pictures when we return.

Pirates of 77th Street

As a cheap and easy way to reward Blake for being incredibly patient during a long day of errands, we ended a recent weekend day at Toys R Us. Now, usually a stop here ranks way down at the bottom of the "fun" list for me, right along with cleaning toilets. However, $25 gift card in hand, we entered.

We started out with a very specific set of "things" we were looking for, including swim diapers for Ava to wear at Schlitterbahn. Of course, TRU being what it is, none of the actual things we needed were available. Sigh.

Poor Blake rode peacefully in the basket of the cart, only occasionally uttering the dreaded, "I want..." So, when we were about to leave & he spotted some foam swords, and asked for them, we caved.

It was completely worth it. He's so excited about them & loves running in the backyard with his Daddy to play pirates. Both of them got locked up in "jail" tonight. And both of them came in giggling and happy.

A complete value at a mere $5.

Running Wild

You know how some people say they wish that their kid had more imagination? Well, not us.....we haven't been able to call Blake by his actual name in over a week, nor have we been called by our actual names. The dear boy has such an imagination that his identity is changed daily.

One day he might be Spiderman & shoot webs at us, attack "bad guys", & help save his sister.

Another day he's a rocket ship zooming through.....everywhere......

And, we've already covered the squirrels. He loves squirrels. And other animals.

Maybe we have a really creative child who shares his father's love for drama & make-believe. Or maybe we have an undiagnosed schizophrenic. Only time will tell.

Diva of the House

Ava and I were playing the other day while Blake napped & I couldn't resist setting up some cute photo opportunities. Here is the princess at her sweetest!

Playing with the tea-set she got from Grammy:

Wrapped up in a feather boa (doesn't every diva have one?):

And, examining her shoe collection closely:

This girl makes us smile so much. Especially her brother.

Baby Squirrel

Who knew squirrels were so intriguing? Blake has always had a love for animals, and it is certainly showing itself again. We have had lots of pretending about squirrels lately, including their sounds and picking "acorns" from "trees." Our trees are just about any surface in our house....chairs, tables, walls. The squirrel sound.....well, that's indescribable. But, it's an attempt at this. So, tonight, Mommy Big Squirrel and Daddy Big Squirrel helped Baby Little Squirrel carry all of his acorns to his room & go to bed. Sleep tight Baby Little Squirrel.

Paint and Popsicles

We've been having Mommy-Blake time lately while Ava is napping. Of course, sometimes she wakes up earlier than we anticipate & we have to (get to!) throw her into the mix. Today, as Blake brought me the popsicle mold (Target $1 section...woohoo!), Miss Diva woke up. So, popsicles had to wait while she nursed.

We finally made our popsicles. Ours are pink lemonade. Then, we put them into the freezer. Which began the waiting process. Poor Blake did not realize that they wouldn't instantly become frozen treats. So we checked on them.....alot.

In order to occupy his poor little mind, we took some butcher paper and finger paints (Target $1 section again!) outside. Being Lubbock, TX, it was quite windy at the time. Solution? Blue painter's tape, of course! Blake went to town mixing all his colors on his fingers and the paper. The slight control freak in me was frustrated by the now mixed paint jars, but he was having so much fun. And, he certainly didn't mind.

Unfortunately, the popsicles still weren't ready. The trials of a 3 year old!

Look What I can Do!

Ava has recently perfected her ability to sit without assistance. Here she is playing with a favorite toy in the living room:

It has also made bathtime more entertaining. Blake saw that she was in the "big bathtub" & insisted on joining her so he could help her & keep her safe.

What a pair of cuties we have!

Blake's new room

Well, really just a re-arrangement of his old stuff. Here's how it turned out (no new things added at all!):


Bed, playtable, & window:

Reading tent:

Bookshelf:

Desk:

"Other" area:

Oerall, I think it turned out pretty nice. Blake loves it & had fun seeing his "new" room.

Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs are a big topic of interest in the Holwerda house right now. Danny recently took Blake to the Science Spectrum to see the Dinosaur movie at the Omnimax. While a great deal of it seemed to be over his head, Blake focused in on a few points. He has continued to bring them up at random moments lately.

Today, as I was feeding Ava some cereal, Blake shared some useful dino-trivia with me. I pass it along to all of you so that you may grow in your wisdom.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Blake?"

"Most dinosaurs too big to poop on the potty."

"Oh...."

"Yeah. Most dinosaurs eat rocks. They go poop on huge rocks outside."

"They do?"

"Yeah. Henry goes poop outside too. He's a good dog."

And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Growing.....or not

Those that know me and mine well know we are not a small people. At all. Those who saw me at 9 months pregnant know I had a H-U-G-E belly. (Which, of course, inspired all of the surgeons at work to gape at me & ask if I was,"STILL pregnant?!") So, of course it was a shocker when Ava was born that she was a teensy 6lb and 8oz. We left the hospital with her at an even 6lb. Not too bad, but quite the little peanut.

Fast forward to our 4 month well-check in January. She had almost doubled her birth weight. Woohoo! Mama's milk was doing her some good. Right? I thought so, as did our pediatrician.

We went in for our 6 month well-check at the beginning of April. She's been rolling all over the place, laughing, starting to eat "solids," etc. Put her on the scale......nada. No weight gain in 2 months time. Hmmmm..... Maybe she just kinda stretched out you say? No such luck. Our little peanut hasn't grown any discernable amount between mid-January and the beginning of April.

She is now on an increased calorie diet to get her to try to gain something. Ava still gets her mama's milk straight from the source. She also gets bottles of it when I'm at work. In addition, at every bottle she gets formula. We go back this week to re-check her weight. Keep you fingers crossed it's higher.

Even if she's not, she's our little diva. We love her daintiness. And her precious Maybe she takes after my grandmother who barely broke 5 feet tall. In which case, she may piss off all the tall girls later in life & date the tallest boys at school.

If her father and brother let her date.

Ever.

Changes in Plans

As it sometimes happens with children, our schedules have recently been thrown to the wind. Which in Lubbock can mean that they're ripped out of your hands and then beat into your face. Sigh.

We are currently without childcare until June. Mommy dared to question the practices at our current (previous?) place & we were unceremoniously asked to leave. Danny & I were planning on enrolling Blake somewhere wonderful starting in the summer (thank goodness THAT has worked out), but now we're figuring out the next few months. Grammy is helping, which is truly a blessing. And, I think I will be able to rearrange my work stuff to accomodate everything.

In the meantime, Blake, Ava, & I are having a nice time all playing together! We are enjoying the parks and some of his toys that he rarely plays with. Fun times here! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers that something wonderful happens for us between now & June to help get everything worked out.....

Ready, Set, Fly!

This weekend marks the beginning of Spring Break. Not that I actually get Spring Break off automatically, but it's that time of year. We debated the possibility of a family vacation, but since Danny's switched departments at work, it's a hard time to miss a week of work for him. Instead, the kids & I are flying to Dallas to see Noni & Grandad. Blake, a seasoned flier, is so excited that he wants to get on a plane every day. Ava is a bit quieter, but I'm sure she is just as psyched.

I have to admit that I'm a bit nervous about this endeavor. I did something to prepare us that I didn't think I'd ever do....I bought Blake one of those monkey backpack thingies with a handle on the tail. Yeah, it's kinda like a leash. But, I'd rather that than losing him somewhere in an airport. I showed it to him recently & he happily strapped it on. He even wanted to take it to church. The only problem now is he's not too thrilled about me holding the end of his tail. Ava, of course, will be in the sling. I swear, I wish I had known about & done more babywearing with Blake. It is so soothing for both of us & I really think it's why she & I are so closely bonded. That SHOULD leave my hands pretty free to wrangle our stuff & the boy.....hopefully.

Once there, we have no specific plans. Blake will get to run around quite a bit at my parents' house since they have a fairly large yard. Ava will be held almost constantly. Which I'm sure she'll love. The only hard & fast thing we need to do is visit my grandmother who will be meeting Ava for the 1st time. Ava is the only great-granddaughter on that side of my family, so it's a neat experience for her.

So, wish us luck for the next week......we may need it! Of course, I can probably con one of the 8 million college girls who will be traveling into holding Ava while I buckle Blake into his seat. Pictures and updates when we return!

Superman and Batman

Blake's creativity and desire to carry on his "pretends" lately amazes me. He has recently become so entranced with Superman that he wants to watch his cartoons daily. Fine, right? Sure.....but he has also taken to calling himself "Superman." Again, fine. Add on that he has decided that I'm Lois (as in, Lane) and things get a little funny at our house. Unfortunately, he has now run out of characters for people to be. And, there's someone else in the house who's pretty important in Blake's life and to whom he is particularly attached....his Daddy. So who is Daddy? Batman of course! We have relinquished the notion of being called "Mommy" or "Daddy" any time in the near future. We are now "Mommy Lois" and "Daddy Batman." Possibly for forever.

A typical conversation at house sounds something like this lately:

"Put on your shoes, Blake."
"No, I Blake. I'm SHUPE-A-MAN!"
"OK Superman. Put on your shoes."
"OK Lois."

Or

"Lois.....Lois....LOIS!"
"Lois isn't here right now."
"Batman, where's Lois?"
"She's at work."
"Oh.....Lois at hospital?"
"Yes."

I have surely compromised the safety of Superman by revealing his secret identity, so I am hoping that no criminals are among my readers. Or that they realize the incredible protection our house has with both Superman AND Batman living under one roof.

I know there will come a time when pretending with Mommy & Daddy is not cool, so I'm treasuring these moments while they last. Ahh.....the joys of motherhood.